Well… It’s Friday again, and you know what that means boys and girls? Abay’s food for thought!! (Yay!!!) And since I’ve been struggling through this Lentern season as a pseudo-vegetarian, it seems only fitting that this week’s discussion is packed with some meaty deliciousness. (Drools….Mmmmmm… Meat) I must say: Steak done to a medium broil is quite tasty, especially with grilled onions and some mashed potatoes on the side… oh and Fried Chicken with a little dab of hot sauce… and what about lasagna? My mother’s home cooked lasagna has to be the best dished prepared by … uhh… sorry, what was our topic about again? (Looks at header)
Oh, right! Can Men and Women be ‘Just Friends’
It's strictly platonic, I swear!
Men and Women Can Not be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way!
Is this really true? I’ve had quite a few female friends and I must say that I’m not interested in them in any way. I swear, well I mean sure I’ve thought about it once… or twice… But that was it…and it was all in the past…. Wait, what about… uh…. And… what about….?? Ok.. Nevermind that, BUT… I have had female friends that I’ve never been attracted to and never once thought of them in any other way than just friends- what about them?!?! Ha! In your face Billy Crystal! But wait…
My friend Dre (See: Dre’s Blog), told me something that was probably the most insightful thing that I have ever learned while in undergrad. He said “Men and women can not be good friends without one liking the other at some point in time.” And this, I think is right on the money! What this means is that if you have any friends of the opposite sex that you’ve never had a crush on, or never liked in any way more than friendship, chances are, they have had some sort of feelings for you beyond friendship. And sure, these feelings pass or are suppressed eventually, but it begs the question. “Is this really a platonic friendship?” And I’d have to go with “No.” Even if you have had these feelings for your ‘friend’ the ‘what-if’ factor ALWAYS comes up and bites you. And sure, there may be a rare case, here and there, where this does not happen, like when you are a child or when you are extremely old, or after you two have already slept together but these are the exceptions – not the rule.
One day, I overheard a Martian (Kleeborp) and a Venusian (Lucianna) having a conversation. And it went something like this:
Kleeborp: Hi, it’s a nice day we are having today isn’t it? I’m Kleeborp.
Lucianna: Yeah, sorry I have a boyfriend. [End of conversation]
Kleeborp then goes to his friend Marchio (Also Martian) and they have the following conversation:
Kleeborp: Yo, I saw this Venusian today and she was Smoking Hot!! Kind of a bizzle tho.
Marchio: I feel you Martian… but whatever, Venusians are only good for one thing anyway…
Both: Blorping!!! (High sevens each other)
Lucianna also speaks with her friend Lunara (Also from Venus).
Lucianna: You wouldn’t believe the nerve of some Martians. I saw this Martian today, kind of cute, but I know he only wanted one thing.
Lunara: I hear you sister. Martians can be such pigs!
Lucianna: Yeah! I mean, do I look like a Uranian??!!
Both: HA HA HA!
The point here is that even if the sex thing is unspoken, it is an understood concept that lingers in every heterosexual Male-Female relationship. And once it exists, men and women can not be just friends, unless of course they are friends who have sex. But that’s a topic for another day.
What do you think?
Disclaimer: I was told that “When Harry Met Sally” is a good movie by a female acquaintance, because I am too much of a manly man to watch such things!
6 comments
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April 3, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Kat
There are some exceptions, but they are very rare, and let’s face it, relationships between men and women would be kind of boring if one or both people weren’t thinking about having sex with the other at some point in time! It’s what keeps us interested or repels us and then we have funny stories to tell our other friends, as illustrated by Abay’s dialogue between Kleeborp and Lucianna. Also, I think this blog excludes situations where a man and a woman are ‘friends’ through work, school, or similar obligations in which the two share a common bond. Not to mention when you are ‘friends’ with your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s friend, since you really wouldn’t be ‘friends’ with them if not for that common bond.
April 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Kyle "The Bob" Weech
Well I voted no. I feel I can speak for the vast majority of men with this comment. Any female that I find remotely attractive and I converse with the thought of sex crosses my mind and 99 times out of 100 I would like to sleep with the female in question. I have and continue to maintain several platonic relationships and I feel we as men learn to supress our sexual thoughts and feelings for the sake of friendship and for the possibility of what if? and one day… however the thought will always remain in our minds. Consequently, I cannot fathom that a man exists that would not seize some p*ssy thrown on them by a platonic friend (ESPECIALLY if she’s attractive). So with that being said men and women can be “just friends” as long as that woman doesn’t want sex. However who is to say platonic friends can’t have sex and still be platonic?? Now that’s another story …
April 3, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Asha S
what of people who consider their friend like a brother/sister. That can be platonic.
Well I have a few things to say:
1. Firstly if you meet someone and are attracted to them and you become friends, then obviously there are some ulterior motives or hopes.
2. After getting close and trusting someone as a friend it is easier to enter into an intimate relationship with them because there is already that connection.
3. If you salting and they salting, then go for it….
LOL
April 3, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Lala
“Men and women can not be good friends without one liking the other at some point in time.” I have to give Dre a bligh for that statement cuz Lord knows it’s so true. I think its instinct though. Having a really good friendship with a member of the opposite sex and of course the thought of.. where could this lead? Could this lead to a relationship? comes along. But I guess the reason either party does not act on it is mainly because they don’t want to lose a good friendship.
I guess some women.. myself including love having male friends. Its nice having a male opinion and a sounding board. But the tricky thing is.. what are you going to when emotions escalate from the platonic to the more romantic.
April 3, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Nji
lmao @ sookie…
Anyway, I agree with Asha except that yes men and women can be friends… totally… It only happens however when neither party has or no longer has “ulterior” motives or feels for each other… if they genuinely care about one another and want nothing but their happiness in life then yes! And it does happen (proven).
Other than that… if yu know u wana brush everything that blinks at u then u jes can’t have “friends” of the opposite sex… poor u
(
April 3, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Nji
ps… and actually the closest friends are usually those who started out romantically or with ulterior motives and then it melted down into another type of connection and understanding of platonic emotion.